We had (another) quiet evening. We took the christmas tree and decorations down yesterday as there are just so many new toys cluttering the room. We must convert the garage to a playroom this year! Once the kids were in bed, we played Super Mario Party 8 on the Wii (I won), then watched Children of Men on HD-DVD. We paused a few minutes before midnight to switch to TV and watch the Big Ben chimes and London fireworks. I always feel a bit emotional "ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, ding done......silence....wait for it.....chime. Happy New Year!" (sorry I'm back and forwards in my tense, I'm writing it on the 1st, but back dating it).
2007. Where has it gone? It just seems to have passed in the blink of an eye.
Ben. The highlight was obviously the birth of our last baby, Ben. It was just a wonderful event and experience. Will I always remember it so vividly? I hope so. I hate the thought that one day I might not recall all of the details or feelings as I do now, it was just so amazing. He was the first baby we didn't find out the gender for, so I think that extra surprise just put the icing on the cake. I'm trying to enjoy everything I can since we'll never have these baby milestones again. He is just so lovely. Cute little face and his emerging personality is pulling me in. He's my most clingy baby but is constantly wanting to explore and sings himself little tunes. His smile, yes, that's what it is all about.
Katie. She has changed so much over this last year. She has gone from just a little baby to a walking, talking, funny character. She did everything late, didn't walk until 20 months old (February) and hasn't stopped since! She is always on the go, she has to touch everything. She certainly only does what she wants to do, very strong willed, but she is so lovely. She cracks me up every day by the things she says and does. She's my little buddy and I think she's really going to enjoy when she goes to playgroup and nursery in 2008. And... when she doesn't think I'm watching, she is very sweet to Jack and helps him a lot. I just don't think she wants to admit to liking her annoying brothers!
Jack. Lots of new things for Jack this year. He started school, how on earth did he get that old? Part time in January, then full time in September. I can't say enough how wonderful I think it is for him. His teachers are lovely and very skilled and patient in all they do. He has come on so much this year. We've had lots of ups and downs. Surgeries, illness, lot's of things haven't changed. He's still tube fed, still can't walk, but the things he can now do? We've had first words, then a whole vocabulary! Some words are very clear, some only we can understand, but he is trying very hard and is dropping some signs in favour of speech. He can count to ten!! He knows some colours. He can now move where ever he wants, shuffling himself across the floor. And something he has never likes - physical contact - he now actively seeks out. He'll get right to your feet and motion with both arms outstretched and wiggling his fingers to be picked up and cuddled :). I think 2008 is going to be a great year for him!
Tony. We get stressed, we get irritated, but I love him more than I ever have. He is my rock. He is a wonderful provider and comforter. He works very hard and never asks for much. He gets very little free/relaxation time, between work, college, DIY, kids, etc. 2007 has been professionally rewarding to him and I'm glad he is getting recognition. He is on the verge of a promotion in January and he deserves it. I want him to be happy in his job. Sometimes he has to travel and I do find it difficult as even though it may only be one day, it's still hard for me, but I know he needs to do it for his own self worth and to allow me to stay home ;-). I might not always say it, but I have a lot of respect for him. He is a real man. Despite what he might think, I am proud to be with him and to share my life with him. We're coming up to 7 years in February, we've had MANY hard times, much heartache, but we are stronger than ever and I love him.
Me. Truth be told, I feel like I've lost myself a little over the years. Whilst I think my job as a mother is extremely important and necessary - I wouldn't change staying home or anything - it has consumed me. I feel like that is my only identity. With Jack being at school, that has provided a huge amount of respite, but we still have many pressing issues with him and it carries through to how I act and react in other areas. I feel like I've been too miserable this year. I have everything I want and really do count my blessings, but it's tough sometimes. My "mistakes" have been that I haven't looked after myself properly in body and spirit. BUT, I am happy and healthy (not today, but mostly ;-) ), I have a wonderful husband who I love and who loves me back, and 3 gorgeous little beings who I would not change for the world. Life is good!
In a way, the end of the year kind of makes me feel a tiiiiiiny bit sad as yes, I can reflect on all the positive and nice things that have happened, but on the other have to actively "think" about the not so nice things to put closure on them - and what if I don't want to say goodbye to the good things either?! It is like we're pressurised into resolving to do *better*, no matter what you might have achieved. On the other hand though, clean slate and a fresh outlook and time to dust the old cobwebs!
Monday, 31 December 2007
Saturday, 29 December 2007
Birthday dinner
Every year, we go to my dad's for a christmas dinner/my birthday celebration.
My stepmother does all the cooking and it's nice to just be waited on for a change. It's good to get together as my brother, sister and their respective partner's are all there too. I was very tired this year though, I wasn't completely in the mood, but luckily the kids always provide good entertainment so I don't have to participate too much.
My stepmother does all the cooking and it's nice to just be waited on for a change. It's good to get together as my brother, sister and their respective partner's are all there too. I was very tired this year though, I wasn't completely in the mood, but luckily the kids always provide good entertainment so I don't have to participate too much.
Friday, 28 December 2007
10 months
It was also Ben's "birthday". Double digits. How did he get to be 10 months old already?
He hasn't made any physical progress in the last month. He's still trying hard to crawl, but ends up spinning in circles or swimming backwards. He's got his new brace so hopefully that will help his feet as he still goes over on his ankles if I stand him up.
Regardless of that he can or can't do, he's still my lovely little guy!
He hasn't made any physical progress in the last month. He's still trying hard to crawl, but ends up spinning in circles or swimming backwards. He's got his new brace so hopefully that will help his feet as he still goes over on his ankles if I stand him up.
Regardless of that he can or can't do, he's still my lovely little guy!
Happy Birthday to me
I'm getting too old ;-)
Tony was off work sick yesterday, so still was not feeling well today. I got some headphones for my new Ipod and an SD card for my camera :).
I had a low key day since none of us were very well. We went to a couple of shops, but weren't overly impressed with the sales. I bought a case for Ipod and that's it. We usually like post christmas shopping.
We stopped by Paul and Cheryl's (my brother & his girlfriend) on the way home and he had bought me Scene It? for the Xbox. I was just looking at that a while ago. It was a lot of fun. Paul totally beat us.
Jack, Jack, Jack... so, he can't crawl, stand or walk but that doesn't mean he can't get into trouble. He loves doors! Is fascinated with them. He loves to shuffle in and out and just have a look around. We were playing the quiz and heard Katie say "Oh, Jack, no. Yuck!" He'd just left the room and was only 5 metres away, but thought it would be a good idea to mix their cats' (Toggles, Kuma and Neko) milk, cat food and biscuits all together. Lovely mess, lol.
When we got home and the kids were in bed, Tony & I played again and I won :). I think we decided to do my birthday "properly" when we're feeling better.
Tony was off work sick yesterday, so still was not feeling well today. I got some headphones for my new Ipod and an SD card for my camera :).
I had a low key day since none of us were very well. We went to a couple of shops, but weren't overly impressed with the sales. I bought a case for Ipod and that's it. We usually like post christmas shopping.
We stopped by Paul and Cheryl's (my brother & his girlfriend) on the way home and he had bought me Scene It? for the Xbox. I was just looking at that a while ago. It was a lot of fun. Paul totally beat us.
Jack, Jack, Jack... so, he can't crawl, stand or walk but that doesn't mean he can't get into trouble. He loves doors! Is fascinated with them. He loves to shuffle in and out and just have a look around. We were playing the quiz and heard Katie say "Oh, Jack, no. Yuck!" He'd just left the room and was only 5 metres away, but thought it would be a good idea to mix their cats' (Toggles, Kuma and Neko) milk, cat food and biscuits all together. Lovely mess, lol.
When we got home and the kids were in bed, Tony & I played again and I won :). I think we decided to do my birthday "properly" when we're feeling better.
Wednesday, 26 December 2007
Just go away
Stupid illness.
Tony is sicker today. He's only been up for 5 minutes and it's 4pm now. It's a horrible exploding head/burning lungs/painful cough/aching joints/muscle feeling that just will not go away. He only had yesterday and today off work for Christmas and has spent all of it (today) in bed. I know if he's sick tomorrow he'll try to go to work, I might have to chain him up. Poor guy, it must be bad as he would never stay down for no reason.
It's my birthday on Friday, so looks like we'll all be staying in.
Kids have run me ragged too. Sigh, Katie's crying for me again and Jack is too quiet in the other room - he had better not have ruined my laundry pile...! ;-)
Tony is sicker today. He's only been up for 5 minutes and it's 4pm now. It's a horrible exploding head/burning lungs/painful cough/aching joints/muscle feeling that just will not go away. He only had yesterday and today off work for Christmas and has spent all of it (today) in bed. I know if he's sick tomorrow he'll try to go to work, I might have to chain him up. Poor guy, it must be bad as he would never stay down for no reason.
It's my birthday on Friday, so looks like we'll all be staying in.
Kids have run me ragged too. Sigh, Katie's crying for me again and Jack is too quiet in the other room - he had better not have ruined my laundry pile...! ;-)
Tuesday, 25 December 2007
Merry Christmas
This is what it is all about, the ability to just spend time together.
The kids were super excited, more so Katie. Jack was overwhelmed by all the gifts and chaos so he didn't have a very good time opening his presents. He did have some fun though. He was happy initially, but started crying after a few gifts. Katie just dived in, she was really cute. Ben played with the paper and boxes, as anticipated!
We had a nice time during lunch, well, tea since it was around 4pm by the time we got to eat. Even though Jack is tube fed, we sat him at the table with us and he seemed to like that and trying to "pull" the christmas crackers. Ben wouldn't keep his hat on ;-).
Bit stressful at times, but overall a good day. All over for another year. Isn't it weird how much anticipation builds up and it is all over in a flash.
December hasn't been a great month, we're all still sick so don't have much energy to really get in the spirit. The amount of tissue we've been through is unreal. If I have to wipe one more nose...!
Santa was good to me. VERY good! I've been complaining about my camera for months and was over the moon to have received a Nikon D40X!!! And an Ipod! Hubby did good :)
I know it's shadowy, but I love how the light catches her face, excuse the nose!
Aw, poor Jack -
Me and my boys -
The kids were super excited, more so Katie. Jack was overwhelmed by all the gifts and chaos so he didn't have a very good time opening his presents. He did have some fun though. He was happy initially, but started crying after a few gifts. Katie just dived in, she was really cute. Ben played with the paper and boxes, as anticipated!
We had a nice time during lunch, well, tea since it was around 4pm by the time we got to eat. Even though Jack is tube fed, we sat him at the table with us and he seemed to like that and trying to "pull" the christmas crackers. Ben wouldn't keep his hat on ;-).
Bit stressful at times, but overall a good day. All over for another year. Isn't it weird how much anticipation builds up and it is all over in a flash.
December hasn't been a great month, we're all still sick so don't have much energy to really get in the spirit. The amount of tissue we've been through is unreal. If I have to wipe one more nose...!
Santa was good to me. VERY good! I've been complaining about my camera for months and was over the moon to have received a Nikon D40X!!! And an Ipod! Hubby did good :)
I know it's shadowy, but I love how the light catches her face, excuse the nose!
Aw, poor Jack -
Me and my boys -
Thursday, 20 December 2007
But, hey
Look at this face and tell me there is not something to smile about (click to enlarge to see just how gorgeous he is!)
I usually do my christmas cards with how ever many kids I have that year, but Jack and Katie wanted nothing to do with it this year... too sick and tired.
I still think Katie's first xmas picture is a classic -
Tuesday, 18 December 2007
Stay tuned
We've all been very sick so I haven't felt like blogging.
Highlights since Friday have been Jack's Christmas party hosted by Down Syndrome North East (good fun!!), his paediatrician review yesterday - had a very good chat with his lovely teacher - and Katie's toddler group Christmas party this afternoon (poor baby didn't understand the concept of PASS the parcel).
Will try to catch up soon.
Highlights since Friday have been Jack's Christmas party hosted by Down Syndrome North East (good fun!!), his paediatrician review yesterday - had a very good chat with his lovely teacher - and Katie's toddler group Christmas party this afternoon (poor baby didn't understand the concept of PASS the parcel).
Will try to catch up soon.
Friday, 14 December 2007
The answer
If ever I was to ask the question "why?", today I got my answer.
Who am I kidding, I ask "why?" quite a lot. Not as in "poor me, I'm so badly done to, let's get the violins out", but more introspective like why was I given to these kids, am I doing a good job, surely they deserve more than me and my feelings when I find it difficult to cope. What is the meaning of it all, what message am I supposed to be learning?
Today was Jack's school Christmas concert. He goes to a fantastic special needs school with kids aged between 3 and 11. It lasted for two hours and I have never been so humbled in my life. I know every parent is very proud on occasions like this, no matter what their child's age or ability, but it just felt different. Extra special.
It started with the older classes doing various singing and dancing from shows like Grease, Mary Poppins, Singing in the Rain, etc. There are some profoundly disabled children there and even though not all can walk or talk, every single child had a role to play and every child went on stage. One of the songs was Over the Rainbow and that really brought the tears to my eyes! To see the innocence and joy on their faces and how special they felt in the spotlight.
Ben and Katie were rather tired as they've both been sick so it was difficult to keep them quiet and I had to go to the back of the hall with Ben at one point, but it was eye opening to watch everyone and just observe.
Jack's foundation class and the younger kids did the nativity story. I kept looking and looking to see him and couldn't find him - and then - there he was. He was wheeled on stage to be one of the innkeepers who said no room at the inn. Well, they knocked on his tray and he waved at them, lol, and signed (Makaton) no. He was beaming! He was moved to the back, but I could still see him and he sat throughout. No getting upset or being bored, just taking it all in. He then came back in the middle of the stage until the end and he just looked so happy.
He of course had no idea we were there. When it was all over, the kids were going for lunch so we went to see him in the corridor and when he saw us he did a double take and was like "woah, HI!!!!" He was very excited to see us. He's never been very touchy feely until recently and was sitting in his chair and waving his fingers for a kiss and cuddle!!
I got lots of pictures and video. I don't know what the quality is like, but I'll sift through them later to see if there is anything to upload.
I was very proud of him. So. For those times I'm pulling my hair out when he is acting up, or feeling frustrated that yet another person wants to make an appointment to complicate my day, I'll remember back to this moment, to seeing him up there, to seeing how hard these kids work and the obstacles they have to face every single day of their lives just to get by... and appreciate that every achievement however small and insignificant it may seem is the reason, or answer to, "why?"!
Who am I kidding, I ask "why?" quite a lot. Not as in "poor me, I'm so badly done to, let's get the violins out", but more introspective like why was I given to these kids, am I doing a good job, surely they deserve more than me and my feelings when I find it difficult to cope. What is the meaning of it all, what message am I supposed to be learning?
Today was Jack's school Christmas concert. He goes to a fantastic special needs school with kids aged between 3 and 11. It lasted for two hours and I have never been so humbled in my life. I know every parent is very proud on occasions like this, no matter what their child's age or ability, but it just felt different. Extra special.
It started with the older classes doing various singing and dancing from shows like Grease, Mary Poppins, Singing in the Rain, etc. There are some profoundly disabled children there and even though not all can walk or talk, every single child had a role to play and every child went on stage. One of the songs was Over the Rainbow and that really brought the tears to my eyes! To see the innocence and joy on their faces and how special they felt in the spotlight.
Ben and Katie were rather tired as they've both been sick so it was difficult to keep them quiet and I had to go to the back of the hall with Ben at one point, but it was eye opening to watch everyone and just observe.
Jack's foundation class and the younger kids did the nativity story. I kept looking and looking to see him and couldn't find him - and then - there he was. He was wheeled on stage to be one of the innkeepers who said no room at the inn. Well, they knocked on his tray and he waved at them, lol, and signed (Makaton) no. He was beaming! He was moved to the back, but I could still see him and he sat throughout. No getting upset or being bored, just taking it all in. He then came back in the middle of the stage until the end and he just looked so happy.
He of course had no idea we were there. When it was all over, the kids were going for lunch so we went to see him in the corridor and when he saw us he did a double take and was like "woah, HI!!!!" He was very excited to see us. He's never been very touchy feely until recently and was sitting in his chair and waving his fingers for a kiss and cuddle!!
I got lots of pictures and video. I don't know what the quality is like, but I'll sift through them later to see if there is anything to upload.
I was very proud of him. So. For those times I'm pulling my hair out when he is acting up, or feeling frustrated that yet another person wants to make an appointment to complicate my day, I'll remember back to this moment, to seeing him up there, to seeing how hard these kids work and the obstacles they have to face every single day of their lives just to get by... and appreciate that every achievement however small and insignificant it may seem is the reason, or answer to, "why?"!
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