The answer

If ever I was to ask the question "why?", today I got my answer.

Who am I kidding, I ask "why?" quite a lot. Not as in "poor me, I'm so badly done to, let's get the violins out", but more introspective like why was I given to these kids, am I doing a good job, surely they deserve more than me and my feelings when I find it difficult to cope. What is the meaning of it all, what message am I supposed to be learning?

Today was Jack's school Christmas concert. He goes to a fantastic special needs school with kids aged between 3 and 11. It lasted for two hours and I have never been so humbled in my life. I know every parent is very proud on occasions like this, no matter what their child's age or ability, but it just felt different. Extra special.

It started with the older classes doing various singing and dancing from shows like Grease, Mary Poppins, Singing in the Rain, etc. There are some profoundly disabled children there and even though not all can walk or talk, every single child had a role to play and every child went on stage. One of the songs was Over the Rainbow and that really brought the tears to my eyes! To see the innocence and joy on their faces and how special they felt in the spotlight.

Ben and Katie were rather tired as they've both been sick so it was difficult to keep them quiet and I had to go to the back of the hall with Ben at one point, but it was eye opening to watch everyone and just observe.

Jack's foundation class and the younger kids did the nativity story. I kept looking and looking to see him and couldn't find him - and then - there he was. He was wheeled on stage to be one of the innkeepers who said no room at the inn. Well, they knocked on his tray and he waved at them, lol, and signed (Makaton) no. He was beaming! He was moved to the back, but I could still see him and he sat throughout. No getting upset or being bored, just taking it all in. He then came back in the middle of the stage until the end and he just looked so happy.

He of course had no idea we were there. When it was all over, the kids were going for lunch so we went to see him in the corridor and when he saw us he did a double take and was like "woah, HI!!!!" He was very excited to see us. He's never been very touchy feely until recently and was sitting in his chair and waving his fingers for a kiss and cuddle!!

I got lots of pictures and video. I don't know what the quality is like, but I'll sift through them later to see if there is anything to upload.

I was very proud of him. So. For those times I'm pulling my hair out when he is acting up, or feeling frustrated that yet another person wants to make an appointment to complicate my day, I'll remember back to this moment, to seeing him up there, to seeing how hard these kids work and the obstacles they have to face every single day of their lives just to get by... and appreciate that every achievement however small and insignificant it may seem is the reason, or answer to, "why?"!